Pursuit.

I love talking. I love music. I love people. Since I can remember, it has always been difficult to spend time completely alone and to spend time in silence. Therefore, for Lent this year, I decided to spend time with the Blessed Sacrament, alone and in silence at least once a week. 

Today was the first time in a long time that I sat down for an hour with Jesus--just Him and I; and it was wonderful. 

Towards the end of the hour, the Holy Spirit put something pretty striking on my heart. For quite some time now, I have been saying that I want to be pursued by a man. I want a guy to want my heart and to commit himself to pursuing me. And, when guys don't do this, I blame "my generation" or "the culture we live in." But today the Holy Spirit allow me to understand that is not necessarily the case.

At this time, I wrote in my journal the following: "Why do I expect to be pursued when I am not doing all that I can to pursue the Lord?" 

I have this desire to have someone desire me and commit to me, but I sometimes find myself not even willing to do that for my creator. It is not until I take the time to pursue the Lord that I can truly understand what it means to pursue and to be pursued. 

Also-if I am truly pursuing the Lord, I hope that the man that God puts in my life will allow me to pursue Jesus through him. I hope that my future spouse, too, pursues my heart because in it, he is able to see a glimpse Jesus and His abundant love and mercy. (Sorry for using the word "pursue" so much). 

After reflecting on this for a little bit, I turned to Matthew 7:8. In it, it says "For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Then I realized that it does not say whoever asks will receive what they ask for; whoever seeks will find what he is looking for; and whoever knocks will have that exact door opened for him. No! If you ask, you will definitely receive from God, but it may not be what you have in mind. If you seek, you will definitely find what God has in store, but it may not be what you were looking for. If you knock, God will open a door, but it may not be the one you wanted. It is up to you/us to choose if we want to take God's gifts and opportunities, or keep searching and asking for our own to be fulfilled. 

Pursue Him, and He will provide. 
Just some random thoughts on pursual and Jesus' gifts for the night. Thank you for reading!